Para sa mga pangit

christian-rosswag-154066

If ever you’re a non-Filipino friend or a visitor who happened to click this post, the title roughly translates to: “To those who are not goodlooking” :P

It was quarter to six in the morning, quite too early for me honestly, but I had to head out of the house and catch the earliest bus I can for a 3hour-ish trip back to our hometown and attend my little brother’s moving up ceremony.

Since I would go straight to the ceremony, I decided to do my make up and not have to arrive looking all haggard, panda eyes and all. I was able to hop on to a bus quick as soon as I was at the stop and what happened next was the reason for this blog post.

The conductor nicely said in Filipino/Ilocano combined…“Here you can sit infront (which is by the way one of the most comfortable seat for me because hello leg space).

I was grateful but then he said, “only those who are pretty can sit infront” he chuckled adding, those who are not get to sit at the back”

Aww. :( That was like a bomb that dropped in my lap. I couldn’t believe he said that. Ofcourse, he might have been just joking right?

Then the bus driver told him, “Don’t be like that.” I was relieved, staying silent. But to make me cringe more the conductor replied, “No, really. Look at those I sat at the back, ‘nagpapangit da’ (they are so unsightly/not good looking).”

I was crushed. I thought to myself, ‘good for you girl, you decided to put some make up on so you can somehow look presentable at 5:45 in the morning so you were able to pass this uncle’s standard who gets to sit in front or not.’

Maybe the conductor was just really joking. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive. But this hit me to the core and I want to speak out. Not because I just want to give the conductor my two cents worth of sermon or because I simply want to overplay what happened. I treated the conductor as nicely as I can all throughout the trip and won’t mention the bus company’s name because this is not about getting back after him or any sort :)

This is about addressing how we, myself included label people this or that and treating them accordingly.

I had a very pretty bestfriend in high school and some schoolmates  made a name for us ‘Beauty and the Beast’. Yup she was the beauty, I was the beast. I decided to forgive who said that and those who bullied me for my appearance. I speak blessing in their life but to say the least, it truly made me feel very very ugly in the past.

I can honestly say to myself, I’m not pretty if I would to compare myself to the Kardashians, the lovely korean female leads, Pia Wurtzbach, much less Belle.

I have the oiliest skin–if not for those heaven sent oil blotters I’d be a walking human reflector. I have a flat, huge button nose. Some people think i have cute freckles across my face at first but they are actually unsightly warts. I have wide spaced teeth which I need to fix with braces soon. I am not at my healthiest weight. I have a lot of scars in the legs, I can consume a whole bottle of concealer just to hide them. My kinky, wiry hair becomes this one large puff if I let them down. You may think I am coming from a low self esteem now but I believe I am not. Because, reality is I am all of the above, physically. If I don’t properly fix my hair, apply some loose powder and whatnot, I’d honestly look one unsightly mess, I myself would have a headache just looking at myself.

I can be what you call “pangit” if I don’t clean myself up to be a good representative of Who I am representing.

And maybe this is why I took it hard when that conductor made his remark. Because I know how to be called “pangit” and be treated poorly just because I am not as pretty as the girl beside me.

So if you have been called “pangit” or think you are “pangit”, I want to tell you…

You may be unsightly in the eyes of others. You may be unsightly in your very eyes. But you are never unsightly in the eyes of Your Maker, Your Heavenly Father.

Even if your physical appearance may not be the same as of those the ones they call beautiful, stunning or gorgeous, take comfort beloved, you didn’t need to be like them in the first place. You may look different, but why does that have to matter? If everyone of us looks all and the same, I personally think that’s a bit boring, don’t you think so too? ;)

People may treat you differently from the rest just because they don’t personally prefer you and well we can’t do much about that can we? It’s after all their personal preference, but you can be secured dearest because You have Someone who thinks you’re the most special because it was His fingers that made You, put you together in Your mother’s womb bit by bit, part by part.

I could imagine the warm smile He had on His lips when He was forming You knowing you’d be one of a kind, unique, lovely. People may treat you harshly but it’s only because they don’t see your true worth. But Him? He knows…for in Him, you are. You are His, and that’s the grandest value you could ever have.

I was reading 1 Peter this morning and I came across an all too familiar verse yet the power of its exhortation never becomes too familiar for me…

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3,4)

hidden.

heart.

imperishable.

beauty.

gentle.

quiet.

spirit.

external? doesn’t really matter.

but with what’s on the inside? ah. now we are talking.

 

Lord, teach me to always work on how my heart looks like. teach me to value what’s on my inside rather than how I look on the outside. Dear Jesus, teach me to begin looking at people the same way you look at them–at their hearts and not on their appearance. Give me Your heart to value them for who they are in You–loved, precious, adored. And I praise You because I am too, in Your sight.

Remind me

photo-1461468611824-46457c0e11fd

At such a time as this when my emotions try to get the better of me

when my thoughts get clouded just wanting to break free from my misery

when weariness sets in of standing in the midst of these all

when on the here and now I can just be ashamed for my wicked heart

Remind me, my sweet Hope of Your promised serenity

Remind me, my enduring Rock of Your love holding me steadfastly

When all I can weep for was what was gone,

remind me my Great Restorer of the blissful eternity.

For all these ruins, I am momentarily shaken

remind me I can persevere for all that You have given.

Remind me of the saints of old, and Your covenant made new,

O King Jesus, remind me that I have You.

Day 365/365 

Just a few minutes left and 2015 will take its final bow and 2016 will be here! Wow. Can you believe it? I can vividly remember the first day of 2015 and now  day 365/365 is here but before it finally closes… I’d like to squeeze in this post more on to remind myself one of the biggest lessons that God has taught me for this year and that is…

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.

sufficient for me to boldly step out and claim the fulfillment of what I have believed for..

sufficient for me to lift up my hands and sing my heart out to Him and experience and enjoy the fullness of His presence…

sufficient for me to stand strong and pursue what He has called me to do…

sufficient for me to say “No” and be delivered from the things that are trying to stop me from living a life of true freedom…

and ever sufficient for me to hold on to Him and the surety of His Word!

And this grace that is ever sufficient is also always AVAILABLE…

in every moment, every circumstance, every season.

And because of that, 2015 has been great and I know this same grace will continually be available this coming 2016! So what’s to fear? I can only br excited and secured and grateful. Woot! All glory and honor belongs to you,Jesus!!!

PS. Here’s a throwback picture to the one of the most magical sunrise that I have witnessed last December first.   

Sa mga katulad kong hindi pumasa ng UPCAT…

10322808_10152438956658336_343322193184859056_n

via

Naalala ko pa..nine years ago, nakarating din sa akin ang balita…tulad mo, wala daw yung pangalan ko sa mga pumasa. Ouch. Masakit diba?

May narinig ako nagsabi, may dalawang college lang daw sa Pilipinas…UP and others. Nuong una, eto din ang motto ko..sino nga ba naman ang hindi mangagarap na maging isang Isko o Iska?

Pero hindi lahat ng pangarap natutupad. Yun ang reality, diba? Kaya nung nabalitaan ko na hindi ako natanggap…well, sa taas yata kasi ng pangarap ko…wala na akong magawa kundi magmove on sa susunod na option…pasukan ang college kung saan kaya ni Papa at Mama ang bayad sa tuition…Heeeeello, Probinsiya! :)

Kaya naman, dito na ako nag-aral…welcome to my *now* Alma Mater, Saint Mary’s University!!!

smu1.12201147_std

via

Hindi ko alam kung saang college ka mag-eenroll ngayong katulad ko hindi ka pumasa…siguro in the end, mapupunta ka din sa UP kung balak mong magpatransfer…pero alam mo, kung katulad mo ako na hindi pumasa…ang masasabi ko lang..AYOS LANG YAN! :) Bakit?

Kasi…napatunayan ko…

…na hindi ang pag-aaral sa UP ang magdedefine ng future ko.

…na hindi ang pagpasok sa UP ang tanging makakapagpaligaya sakin.

…na hindi ang diploma galing sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas ang kukumpleto sa buhay ko.

So, sino?

Si God. Siya lang at wala ng iba pa. :)

At alam mo ang nakakatuwa? Sa pagpasok ko sa SMU, dito ko Siya nakilala…pati ang mga kaibigan na laging nag-eencourage at nagbibigay kulay sa aking buhay na dati ay napakalumbay.

Kagabi, habang nasa gitna ng Campus Night kung saan kasama ko ang napakadaming students galing sa mga colleges and universities dito sa Probinsiya na nagprapraise and worship kay God, naisip ko tong mga bagay na ‘to…sabay tanong…”kung nakapasa kaya ako sa UP makikilala ko din kaya si God dun?” o di kaya… “maeexperience ko din kaya yung ganitong klaseng kaligayan kung sa UP ako napadpad?” Siguro, oo din. Pero baka hindi rin…

Pagkatapos ng lahat ng pag-iisip na yun, napasmile nalang ako..at napa-thank you kay God..kasi Siya lang talaga ang in control ng lahat ng nangyari at mangyayari pa sa buhay ko…katulad ng sa iyo :) He is in control and He knows whats best for us…way better sa mga plano at pangarap natin.. :)

Kaya ngumiti ka na…kasi ang future mo ay punong-puno ng pag-asa! :)

New Year Ramblings

149874-Hello-2015

{via}

Hi everyone! Happy New Year!!! :) I hope that all of you guys had a great time celebrating the new year whether it be with your friends or families. I did had a mighty fun time being with my family at our province in Quirino and it’s always refreshing to be at home…doing nothing but sleep all day long..haha! I hope that was truly the case for me but I spent my holidays travelling through and fro my Grandma’s house back to my Dad’s since my little brother wanted to visit her, then do grocery shopping, then had to do general cleaning in our house {because,well new year.already.} So yes, it was a kinda busy holiday vacation but still I enjoyed it simply because of the goodness and favor God brought even in the littlest things that happened during my time off.

And now, I’m back to work…and there’s kinda lot of things (STILL) that I have to get fixed, like my broken laptop (long stooorryyy..) and other things but I thank God that today I get to have a easy schedule..so I’m here able to process some thoughts with the new year and all…

P.S. Interesting how we can have a lot of deep thoughts sometimes, no? Hehe I noticed that with myself lately, since I mentioned that I was always on the road lately…and you know when you’re in the car and you watch the scenery outside your window…you fall into deep thoughts..well, that’s the case for me! Haha And I realized how I’ve been blogging less and less as 2014 went by (oops, sorry!) and remember how blogging…or writing actually had helped me process my many many many thoughts. So, yeah, here I am trying to get back on my writing zone and process some thoughts. I would actually understand if at the end of the first paragraph above, you’ve closed my tab already since this introductory thing’s turning out to be soooo long. And I’ve been using lot’s of “soooo” I’m getting irritated myself, ha! So (again!) let’s have some thought processing, shall we?!

Okay, as I was listening to the message for today’s Worship Service, I thought that it really cuts deep into the core of what all the things we dive in each and every time new year comes–RESOLUTIONS.

Many times, we resolve to not do some of the things we have been doing the past year anymore, like…

..i will not sleep late, i will not wake up late, i will not be late, anymore.

..i will not curse anymore.

..i will not drink softdrinks anymore.

..i will not….

or maybe do things, finally, this year…

..i will do excercise.

..i will go on diet.

..i will go to Church more.

..i will…

Oh well, honestly, I write them down too..problem with this is, we can’t just sustain it..to last the whole year, not unless we resolve to do the only thing that will make us keep all these resolutions or faith goals not only for the year, but for good…and that is resolving to HONOR GOD.

Honoring God means putting Him above everything and anything else. It means a total abandon just so we could obey Him and please ONLY Him.

Many times, we say we do honor God…but only with our lips. The passage of Scripture that was shares was in Mark 7:6-7.

And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written,

“‘This people honors me with their lips,
    but their heart is far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
    teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’

True isn’t it? Many times, we honor Him and resolve to do things for Him when in fact when we do a heart check, it’s not truly for God…it’s always been centered on us and our desires.

And so, my personal prayer as I start a brand new year this 2015 is that…as I write down my faith goals and resolutions for the coming year, may it come from a heart that loves God. That I would step out in faith to see things happen in my life and be able to have breakthroughs only because I want to please Him and only Him…not men, not me, not anyone else..but Him. :)

So…that’s my two cents worth of thought for the new year. Happy New Year guys!

Also, our Church is having a series about Honoring God for the next five weeks. To listen to podcast about the message, click here.

Love,Anj.