I’m not supposed to be here anymore.

I am not supposed to be here anymore. I’m not supposed to be here typing away this blog or breathing normally. I’m not supposed to eat that delicious breakfast or wake up to the cool breeze this morning. But I am here.

I should be in some morgue or in lying cold in some coffin. In a less catastrophic thinking, I should have been lying in some ICU, propped up with all the tubes the doctors can poke in me. I should be hurting so bad right now, they have to give me morphine to kill the pain or that sort. But I’m not. Instead, my arm muscles are just tensed I could not do my usual jumping jacks this morning. My hips are just kinda hurting that I have to pass on our jog, but hopefully be able to still join my marathon tomorrow.

See? It’s nothing more than a betadine and band-aid can cure! ;)

And the moment that I realized that I was not dead and my brain matters not sprayed all over the concrete (okay, yes, a little strict parental guidance here :P ), I’m overwhelmed with the deepest and cold-water-splashed-on-my-face kind of realization of how I’m loved by my God. It came when I saw before my eyes the wheels of the car in front of me missed in crushing my head as I fell sprawled on the concrete floor, I realized how I’m deeply loved when I saw how petty my bruises were, when I practically should have broken all of my bones! And I realized that when God opened my eyes to my devotion the morning of my accident (which I didn’t really quite understand when I closed my bible back then).

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. (Psalm 46:5)

I had to laugh when I was re-reading my morning devotions after my accident. Because how ironic could that be, when I clearly fell from the back of the tricycle that I was riding on. But then, I was brought back to the moment when I actually ‘fell’…and knew for sure what happened. That I didn’t really fall, I was caught in God’s loving arms and literally did not allow me to fall in the ground because He is within me, helping me even at the break of the day! I was too stunned to even feel pain when I realized this. How amazing this God that I’m serving could get?! But wait, there’s more…. :)

The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. (Psalm 46:7)

The LORD Almighty (referred to God being the commander of heavenly armies to express His sovereignty), He is our Lord Almighty! And it just leaves me right now feeling so secured in everything that may happen in my life, that I actually have heavenly armies out there protecting me as my Heavenly Father commands them. Just how awesome could it get?! (If this doesn’t make you feel more protected than the Queen of England with her body guards, I don’t know what will!) The God of Jacob is our fortress! God being referred to as God of Jacob shows that He is actually our personal God. He is someone who knows us intimately and cares for our personal needs! He is MY God! He is YOUR God! And I believe God wants us to see Him that way also. Not just as a God who is seated enthroned in heaven (IMPORTANT: on this aspect, we should never grow familiar with because He is indeed the God who is seated enthroned in heaven and deserves all the honor and praise!) but also as a God who dwells within us. Whom we can relate to in the most random, most intricate, most intimate, most-you-name-it way!

He took our fall at the cross for us.

And this leads me to the most important realization that always brings me in tears…that it’s not actually the first time that God took the fall for me and saved me from dying. Because it’s not the physical death that I needed to be saved from the most (yet I’m so grateful that He saved me from it also! :)) And I hope and pray that we all see this and accept it in our hearts, that God took the fall for us already thousands of years ago to save us from dying spiritually and keep us from falling in the depths of hell. God did that for you and me not because we don’t deserve hell (I tell you, hell is the only thing left that we deserve!!!), He did it simply because He loves us…

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

We’re not supposed to be here. We’re supposed to rot in hell.  Jesus was not supposed to die. But He did (and rose back to life). That’s why we’re here. Not because we are good. Not because we are worthy. But simply because we are loved.